Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
