it wasn't lemon gatorade
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
is it fun? or sober?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
