And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
