i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
