Screwed.edu
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
