So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
