im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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