i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
