Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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