I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
