There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
