3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
