I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
