First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
