he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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