so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
