Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
