Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
