so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
