Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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