i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
