Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
