Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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