I just cut my nipple shaving
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
