epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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