your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
