You're so nebulous sometimes
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
