he wants to bone in the snuggie
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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