I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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