I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
