I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
