there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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