Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
