I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can't turn off my feet"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
