call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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