I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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