i may or may not be watching the land before time
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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