Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
