now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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