Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
