half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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