i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
