you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
