The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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