It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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