Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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