Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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