Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
