Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
