The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
