Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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