Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
