I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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