Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Randomize
