Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
